I’m not even sure if I like you__I just feel as if I Love you.
I need to see you again, before the above can be certain…
But the problem is that I am not sure when that will even be…and until then you will continue to haunt my thoughts…and occupy my heart….
I want to see and be with you again, so I can put this whole ordeal to rest.
Moving units anyone?
I’m a richer soul without all of the conditional moments.
Disposal is key, I guess.
I was turning into a broken collector.
Left there…apologizing for something real.
Other peoples expectations equals disconnection.
“All healthy men have thought of suicide.”
I’m counting down the days until you come my way.
(Source: inw0nderland)
UNECESSARY.
It’s 1:00 o’clock in the morning. I keep saying goodnight.
I’m done with it.cut off.down.loose. I have to do it. It’s remnants have been deleted.
there’s no point.we all have our own set of eyes that look forward.
There are no highs here—fakes ones not even.
It’s all one-sided at the moment.
I always said I’d be here, but the problem is I still have feelings for it. I guess I almost had it.
This is me.
Midnight address to all of my pasts…since we all feel a little broken sometimes…
“What we resist, persists,” I couldn’t get him out my head that day or some of the days after. I can only hope that I cross your mind every once and awhile so I don’t feel so pathetic thinking about you—if only I could just re-learn the ability to find beauty in the ordinary things again…
“I kept hearing his words everywhere that morning, ‘I love you.’ But now it had been years since that night and they were never even true—by saying those words to me you were making a promise with my heart that you never honored.”
“Distance is what kills”
—two people living different lives anticipating that day when both lives finally collide making it easier to be a part of each others and no longer having to fight to prove to each other that you exist in the other’s heart…but most of us never make it long enough to see such a day…
I have to make a decision for the next 12 months—as I am being reeled in by someone new—-someone that could affect my study plans—-I can’t get off track here—-not this time, at least—-why does this always happen at the most inconvenient times of my life…just when I can’t have any distractions—- “get close enough to have fun, but don’t get attached enough to get hurt?”
…Because that always works…
But what if it could be…? What if it erased you from my heart—-it would be worth it—-in that case—-there have been several since us—-and none of them have done the trick…I’m still waiting…but sometimes you just have to be away from the one you love in order to truly understand what that feeling entails…
It’s always my choice…because I am the one who chooses to get hurt—-when I choose to be/fall in love…
Someone just tell me what to do, here…please.
(via thefoxbones)
Make it happen Ing! MAKE IT HAPPEN!
(Source: flickr.com, via tr0ption)
AHHHHHHH! So I might be moving here in less than one year to get my Masters in International Relations and Diplomacy! WOULD BE SURREAL! I absolutely adore Paris!
(Source: Flickr / fleurschinning, via tr0ption)
My heart is split up into little pieces of love— and every time I become involved with someone —I end up surrendering a piece to that person—I am not sure how many pieces I have left to give away at this point—I’ve given away nearly 3—-one of which was quite large as the remaining pieces of my heart are still shifting a little and working to fully cover and adapt to that gap left behind by that one large piece….
Each of my pieces contains a little innocence, naivety and even ignorance regarding love—as it holds the belief that love can last forever—it’s a piece that holds friendship, trust, reliance, affection, love , and comfort—I give it away and it seems impossible to get back..because I can’t forget the time and the emotions that I expended on that person…It doesn’t bother me…I don’t have any regrets…it’s just the fact that it’s so easy for relationships to die out and be reduced to memories… this makes all of my prospects of giving away love a bit sad…
Once the person has gone out of your life—the remaining pieces of your heart are forced to shift—expanding, to cover the holes left by the missing pieces given away—as a result, it seems that my remaining pieces just get weaker as they gradually learn from the others that have gone—that everything I thought, wished and hoped love and relationships would just be was proven wrong…
I have always been intrigued with Philip Larkin’s Aubade—since I can remember…I guess maybe because it beautifully illustrates how easily it is to forget just how fragile life is—how vulnerable we to our environment—-
We wake up each morning taking for granted the fact that we will finish the day to wake up to just another one—but then a death of a close one occurs—and there is this instant enlightenment and the feeling that we are immortal vanishes…one realizes how valuable each moment is as we become suddenly engrossed by our own reevaluation of our own life…
Lulling over thoughts and questions such as…
What have I done thus far…?
What do I want to accomplish before it takes me…?
How do I want to leave this earth…?
How do I want to be remembered…?
What have I done to make this world a better place…?
….and the list goes one…
We are touched by this unknown darkness and life slows down a bit as you move to recover…as you grieve…one’s pace is altered and a big part of you just wishes that the world would just stop so you can absorb the reality of the incident without having to continue to simultaneously live your own life…but instead of stopping—the world just annoyingly and naturally adapts to the absence—as if one was just paying rent to live on this earth and because they missed a payment—they were evicted—and someone else just moves right on in…
The absence of a close one induces this mode of powerlessness where one is no longer in a position to create memories with that person anymore—so you find yourself reliving past moments with that friend in your head—desperately trying to remember every detail so as to try to hold onto the memories when they were by your side—-trying to lose yourself in those moments so as to escape the reality of it all—-but eventually you return to reality once you are finished recollecting that memory—and you notice just how much your life is changing/ has the ability to change on a day-to-day basis and how you have very little control over this part of your life…because we all pass.
But there is one truth to it all, I think—and it’s that we never truly die until people stop speaking our name and remembering us—because we live on in the hearts of those that loved us—those that we left impressions on—so when a person passes… in order to keep them alive—-it seems that we have a duty to remember them—to speak their name—to share stories about them—that way their name is always in the air— as it is also a way to hold onto the ones that you love and the ones you never want to lose—and for the person who has passed, especially if s/he is young to regain some of the life that was unjustly stolen from them at such a young age—even if it is not the most ideal form of living on—it is still a way to live on…
(Source: gofuckingnuts, via tr0ption)
It seems that a color has an infinite amount of shades—the same way a person has an infinite amount of emotions.
Blue is just a word—the same way that sadness is just an emotion—but upon a closer look you realize how many varieties of each there really are
Vibrant at first glance but, faded in the distance.
It’s one of those nights—staring out onto the river and into the sky—where you can notice that the sky is not really only gray—if you look close enough…you notice that it’s also an ash color…a charcoal…a black—-and other shades that we don’t even have a word for…
It just takes time to notice.
(via fishrfriends-notfood)
JOURNAL ENTRY: 3 Cigarettes deep—I’m writing from NY
We’re going down,
And you can see it too.
We’re going down,
And you know that we’re doomed.
My dear, We’re slow dancing in a burning room.
I’m listening to “Slow dancing in a burning room” and that part of the song reminds me of you and I because there is just too much uncertainty and too much unwritten for this to last much longer…
I still remember perfectly the first time we met—and then we began hanging out—I didn’t want to get involved with anyone -because it was a strange time for me and I wanted to cut all ties to Wofford and transition properly out of college without any real strong connections or attachments because attachments lead to expectations which lead to disappointments-but little by little I found myself falling for you…
It’s been nearly a month since I’ve seen you now—and I miss you terribly—I can’t recall missing someone or wanting someone to be with me this badly as I want you here with me right now—This emotion is so new to me and it’s driving me mad—it feels like one of those moments when you feel as if you are about to lose it —absence can make the heart go insane…you know?—but it’s worth it—All new emotions are worth it—especially this one—because it concerns you—I guess that this is love?
Lulling it over in my mind—I have finally realized that I love you—yes, I love you —It’s hit me hard and my mind is getting bombarded with all of these questions and ideas—You were once just a stranger to me that I didn’t have any emotions for and now you have power over me—
I have forgotten that there are billions of other guys in this world…because my mind always wanders back to you and I am terrified because I know that I am setting myself up for a disastrous heart break and our relationship will be reduced to memories soon enough— which in a way worries me because after the break up it’ll be hard being friends with you—Yes, I am friends with my exes—but this time…it will be different because it won’t ever feel the same again because talking to you and remaining in touch will only remind me of why I fell in love with you in the first place—
The last time I was up visiting you—I remember apologizing to you for one of my emotional whirlwinds and your response was—“I understand you”—That’s when I knew that I loved you—I just tried to suppress it from then on—I was going to tell you when you came to visit—but instead, I said that “I thought I was falling in love with you” because I was scared that you wouldn’t say it back since it may still be too early—but I can’t help it—I have really strong emotions—
So now, at this point it doesn’t matter—I am not scared of telling you anymore—even if you don’t reciprocate it—I’ve given up the fight—you have my heart and for now…I trust you with it— I am going to tell you next weekend when I come up for Spring Weekend—
A focused exposure--
to be myself once more.
Just give me something new away from the sprawls of concrete.
Submitted by: http://bluntpencilhearts.tumblr.com/
I wish I could disappear. I’m trying, I promise I’m trying to be better!
Tengo tan mala suerte que podría ser verdad!
Brasov, Romania
